The answer could help or hinder your recovery.
This was a barrier to my healing journey for a long time: I was ashamed of the fact that I — a therapist and coach who helps people heal from chronic pain — was still getting headaches.
I had this idea stuck in my head that, in order to help others heal, I had to be “perfectly healed” myself. And that, of course, was stressing out my nervous system, big time.
But it was more than that. Much more.
I thought that I should be able to see X number of clients per day, and perform my full half of the household chores (especially the ones I don’t like but think I “should” do), and be 100% “on” whenever my stepdaughter is around, and be automatically ready for intimacy with my partner at the “appropriate” time on a regular basis, and and and and…
Are you getting a headache just reading this? I am 😅
I had this idea stuck in my head that the whole point of healing was so that I could be “perfect” for everyone else and fulfill all of their needs so that they would like me.
The problem with that? My body freaking HATED me when all I seemed to care about was other peoples’ needs, schedules, and expectations.
And mind you, when it comes to my home life, I happen to live with a partner who would 100% of the time prefer that I do what works for me.
But my conditioning had hard-wired me to try and guess what he wants and then try to make myself do that. A pattern that’s a total nightmare for both of us, it turns out!
👉 If any of this resonates with you, 1) know that you’re not alone. And 2) Here’s my invitation to you:
👉 Instead of asking yourself, “What’s wrong with me?” when your body refuses to perform in the way you think it “should”…
👉 Try this question instead: “What about this schedule/environment / social expectation isn’t working for me, and what’s one doable thing I can choose to CHANGE about it so that it works better for me?”
Sending tons of love. And if this is a challenge for you — hey, it is for me too. Very much still workin’ on it. 😉 💗
For more support with anxiety and chronic pain, take the FREE QUIZ: “Why the *bleep* am I still in pain?!” to help you get some clarity.
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